I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
