I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
