theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Randomize
