i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
