how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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