I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
