I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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