Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sext me about skeletons
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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