Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We talked him into tasing himself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
