Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
