I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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