I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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