Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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