i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
