onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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