I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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