Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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