What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
