I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she smelled like a LAN party
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
