i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
