his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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