I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
