I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
