I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
