I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
