I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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