If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
