my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
