MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
