Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
