Don't you send me to vm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
