never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
