Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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