Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
