my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
