They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to get me chipped asap
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
