i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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