you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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