Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
