At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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