Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
