Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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