Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
