when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
