dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
