What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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