And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
