Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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