and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my shit smells like andre
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
