tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
