And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
